>Belly Boy Opines: Airlines and Fat Rights

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>A message from me Fat Bastard

Of all the fat acceptance news groups Bigger Fatter Blog not only has the best content but with out a doubt we have the best commentators. I can’t really say who the best of the  best is because I can’t decide but for me personally Belly Boy’s adroit commentary and punchy delivery get to the meat of the issue every time. This latest missive by our own Belly Boy is so good and so important that I decided to feature it as a full article.

With the erudition of a Harvard trained Constitutional lawyer Belly Boy effectively draw discusses how the plight of fatlings on airplanes is closely related to gun rights and smoker’s rights. Belly Boy has bumper stickers on his power thrown that say, “National Rifle Association” “I smoke and I vote”, I EAT and I EAT and I Vote and I’m FAT and I EAT and I Vote”.

Belly Boy on Airlines, Smokers Rights and Gun Rights

I think that extra seats need to be provided to the bigger passengers for free.

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Tough shit stick boy; don’t blame us gluttons, blame the airlines!

Even if the plane is full, then they should boot a thin passenger from the flight and give his seat to the fat man who deserves it more, since he has had to go through lots of discrimination and hardship and adversity that thin people don’t even understand.

Also us fat people tend to earn less than wealthy thin people, so we need the extra money more – we can’t afford double seats because we have higher medical bills, and face discrimination in the job market and in the workplace. People think fat folks are lazy and it just isn’t true. If you want something done ask a fat man, he has loads of energy stored up and can outwork any thin person, who just endlessly talks about how thin he is and how everything has carbs.

If it weren’t for fat discrimination, I would be running a Fortune 500 company by now. I have applied for several CEO openings, and I never once got an interview even, and it is solely because of fat discrimination. I put my photograph on my resume because my mom says I’m very handsome, but all they see is the fat.

In short, I think that second and third seats need to be provided to passengers gratis, if they need them. It’s not my fault I’m this size, it’s SOCIETY’S FAULT. If obesity is a problem then it is a national problem, like war or tornadoes, and therefore it is the GOVERNMENT’S RESPONSIBILITY to solve this problem. For private companies to take it out on individual citizens is beyond the pale, it is ridiculous and absurd, and makes a mockery of everything we have worked for generations to build. Therefore, the government must kick in and purchase a second or third seat for any passenger who needs one, this way neither the passenger nor the airline lose out.

This was Belly Boy’s Salvo and He is Just Getting Warmed Up!

Fat Bastard is right when he says that technology needs to catch up to the American glutton.

We are still flying the same 747s that were made about a half century ago in the 1960s! It still takes 6 hours to go from NYC to LA, except it actually takes longer now because we have more security BS to go through before we can board the plane. Also, the stewardesses were much hotter back in the day, and the airlines provided excellent chow to all of the passengers.

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Japan Airlines still has hot stewardesses but Japan is a VERY fat friendly country

We need the airlines to step up to the plate and instead of cramming more and more seats on each plane to maximize their profits in the short term, they need to think long term and instead realize that their seats no longer reflect the average American’s size. They probably have been making smaller and smaller seats over the years to fit more in, but in reality they need to institute bench seating like the backseats of cars, and the front seats of good cars.

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The sky pig, coming to an airport near you.

Belly Boy, they are accommodating us gluttons with a new design. This plane has been nicknamed the sky pig. I heard it rev up its hungry turbo props and it makes a distinct oinking sound.
There’s no denying it. The Aeorscraft ML866 is one morbidly obese airplane. It’s time we had an intervention with the poor thing to help it deal with its problem. Obesity is a here people! The ML866 is scheduled to make its first official launch next month at the NBAA convention.
The fatty plane is actually pretty technologically advanced when it comes to the physics of aviation, utilizing dynamic lift with a very evident and robust buoyancy. It’s only a matter of time before the plane has a propeller attack, or a hemorrhage of the fuselage.
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Bench seating would be a great short term solution and we all know how much fatlings love sitting on benches.

We gluttons are suffering a death by a thousand cuts, just like the smokers. In the 60s and 70s you could just smoke wherever you wanted to, even on airplanes and in restaurants, and if it bothered someone that was their tough luck. Then they banned smoking on all airplanes and put smoking sections in the restaurants, and the smokers said “okay.”

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Haggard glutton forced to eat and smoke at home.

Then they took away the smoking sections in restaurants, and said “no you have to smoke outside” and the smokers said “okay.” And then they said “no you have to go outside and walk 20 feet” and they said “okay.” Now they’re banning smoking in all public places. Now ONE pack of cigarettes costs like $12 in New York City, because they just keep adding a dollar of tax whenever they feel like it and the smokers never stand up for themselves.

Belly Boy Continues…
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Sexy Southern Sow with Shotgun!

Compare this to the gun people. When politicians suggest banning military-grade machine guns for personal defense, with bullet-proof vest penetrating bullets in them, night-vision scopes, and a heat-seeking rocket launcher that can take out helicopters or air planes, the gun people go “No way you can’t ban that! It’s our right!” They don’t really care about those ridiculous things, they care about regular rifles, shotguns, and handguns – however, they understand that if they give in an inch, then it will get the ball rolling against them and soon the government will try to take away their guns or institute a national gun registry (which most southerners see as the first step to taking away their guns.)

Southerners are willing to literally die to protect their right to have guns. Whereas smokers just give in as long as it’s incremental, we will eventually make it so that parents with kids will have their kids taken away if they smoke in the house. No more smoking outside on public property either. Next they will institute a smokers’ tax for the “environmental damage” of the smoke. Then another tax for the cancer risks of second hand smoke, which they claim kills 50,000 people a year but that is complete BS because nobody dies of second-hand smoke.

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Us fat people have been acting like the smokers. “Sure, you can make me pay for 2 or 3 seats, and then if your flight attendant deems me to need only 1 seat I get refunded for the 1 or 2 other seats in 4 to 8 weeks.” “Sure, you can boot me off of a flight that I PAID FOR IN FULL just because your flight attendant subjectively says I am too big even if have flown on the plane before at this weight without problems.”

Belly Boy Concludes,

Next thing you know, they will be charging triple or quadruple for us fat people to fly. Then they will add an extra fuel surcharge because we weigh more. They’ve already done away with free meals. And then before long, they will simply ban all fat people from flying on airplanes and tell us to take trains and our cars instead. That’s the end game scenario for them, they only want thin people flying because they are cleaner, more obedient, and they take less fuel per passenger to transport.

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Airline food is a hate crime against gluttons.

If we don’t start fighting back, you will see the airlines institute a policy where no passenger with a BMI of over 35 will be allowed to fly in America, and by then it will be too late to do anything about it. We need to fight back now, and turn back the tide, and exact retribution, meaning free extra seats for us fat folks until the airlines start using seats that can actually fit us fat folks, who are the majority.

BELLY BOY, OUT

Belly Boy gets ejected from the airplane by a stewardess who bludgeons him with a serving cart tray screaming at him to die, while he begins to cry and moan in agony. Other fatlings look on, but choose not to help Belly Boy as he is being slowly murdered, and instead accuse Belly Boy of being a whining NAAFA member, even though he is dying for what he believes in – basic human rights for men and women of size.

After she has murdered Belly Boy in cold blood, she then drags another fatling out of the airplane and does the same thing to her. The other fatlings still refuse to come to her defense, reasoning that she must also have been a whiney NAAFA member. This keeps happening one by one until there are none left.


First they came for the gluttons,
and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a glutton.


Then they came for the gormandizers,
and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a gormandizers.


Then they came for the eat beasts,
and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t an eat beast.

Then they came for the pork beasts,
and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a pork beasts
Then they came for the landwhales,
and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a landwhale.

Then they came for me Fat Bastard
and there was no one left to speak out for me.

This is only one of many possibilities. You can help me, Belly Boy, and thereby protect yourself. I am the tip of the iceberg, so I’m who they are targeting first. Me and Kevin Smith, but it will trickle down and begin to affect more and more Americans until everyone is under the oppressive yoke of the airlines, who will make their seats designed only for anorexic 4 foot tall girls, and make everyone else pay for a half dozen or more seats, while keeping the prices the same, instead of being just and increasing the seat sizes in line with the average American’s size.

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The least they could do, as a stop-gap measure, would be to add some bench seats to every airplane, enough to fit at least 2 to 4 500+ lbs passengers.

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Deanne Dillard displays her pendulous grade 5 pannus on a park bench!

Belly Boy is an engineering genius! Fatlings love bench seats and they are already available. Planes could be easily retrofitted with bench seating.

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>Belly Boy’s Big Adventure.

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>

With great excitement and joy I got to hear all about our own Belly and Rev Big Lard Ass’s pilgrimage to the HAG, also known as the Heart Attack Grill. The most Reverend BLA, Belly Boy and I had discussed him making a pilgrimage to the famed Heart Attack Grill– the Mecca for gluttons. It has finally happened. The lure of all that FREE food is what compelled the usual bed bound Belly Boy to take this glorious pilgrimage. I think when he comes back the Rev may even canonize him and from now on we will refer to him as Saint Belly Boy.

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BELLY BOY reporting from Pheonix

Hey everybody! It’s belly boy time!

I just landed in Phoenix, and man are my calves tired! This piggy CAN FLY! Oink oink oink!


Fat Bastard: Yes, Belly Boy I bet those calves are mooing and those dogs are barking and yes pigs can fly accept of Southwest Airline according to NAAFA

But man, traveling was quite an ordeal! Thanks to the new security requirements, I had to either go through the body scanner or get a manual scan. However, I cannot fit through the scanner machine, so I had to be manually searched, which was very erotic. He had to lift and prod each fold, searching for contraband, and he looked incredibly disgusted the entire time. They called in a rookie to do it since none of the more senior ones wanted to deal with me. It took a long time to search me completely, and I was making small talk with him.

Fat Bastard: I doubt that the TSA rookie was disgusted. I suspect that he was in awe and that the senior  TSA officials were giving him the honor of frisking the great Belly Boy. Those guys read Bigger Fatter Blog to get the skinny on fat.

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Bariatric wheelchair AKA a fatling’s rolling thrown.

I had to be pushed in a bariatric wheelchair most of the time, since I am not yet capable of walking very far, only a few dozen yards at a time. But I was able to stand up to be searched. Yeah, I hadn’t washed in over a week, so I was pretty ripe when he searched me. That was part of my goal, if they’re going to search me then they might as well have to do it the hard way, aka the smelly way, aka the belly boy way.

Getting on the plane, I took up more than two full seats, and they booted me and Big Lard Ass off of the plane because they said I need 3 seats and Big Lard Ass needs 2 seats. That means we couldn’t sit next to each other either, which was really upsetting. I started panicking because they at first said that only I was getting booted and BLA could stay, because I can’t travel alone! So I put up a huge colossal stink, yelling and whining as much as I could, before finally they relented and agreed to bump us up to first class for the next flight.

Fat Bastard: My dad had a friend named Ray. Ray was a fucking load. He had to be 600+. Ray was a successful business man and in Ray’s office becasue he could not fit in a conventional office chair he had a love seat hoisted on cement block. Man did he look regal. When Ray flew they would hoist him up through the cargo doors of the plane. That was before planes had doors big enough. That had to be so fucking cool!

BLA could fit in a first class seat, but I couldn’t. I need 3 full coach seats, so we got bumped yet again, with BLA getting a free coach seat, and me getting 2 free coach seats plus 1 coach seat I had to pay for. I asked for and got triple snacks, and it was pretty cool. BLA got tons of free food, and I ordered 9 beers in total before they cut me off.

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Rev Big Lard Ass before he and Belly Boy were booted. No picture of Belly Boy available.

Then we got into Phoenix and checked into a hotel, and now BLA is out getting us some take-out while I sit and type this on his laptop. He’s such a good friend to me, and I can’t wait to experience the glory of the Heart Attack Grill, and it’s delicious and delectable Quadruple Bypass Burgers. They are quite awesome, and I am so effing excited about this.

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I wish that Candy Apple was a computer company. The computers would have special food tubes in them for you to suck on while you use the computer, and then you would be able to get delicious food while you used your computer.

Fat Bastard: Belly Boy, I do know that Dr Gerald “Teddy” Bear is working on a moob top computer. I am waiting for the days when they have food replicators like on Star Trek. Imagine being able to say, Computer make me a Belly Boy Burger, Flat Liner Fries and tea early grey– hot.” and poof there it is. That would be so fucking cool!

This technology would make me, Belly Boy, a billionaire. They would call me Steve Careers. Or Bill Portcullises if I invented the “Pie on the Windowsill” operating system, which would gobble up market share like an SSBBW gobbles up the man pudding of FAs at a NAAFA convention.

 Fat Bastard: Belly Boy, you are indeed onto something.

Oink oink oink. Anyway I am excited and thrilled about my upcoming culinary adventures. Hopefully they will go well. But I do think they will go well, I am planning on staying there pretty much all day just eating, eating, eating, eating, and eating. I have several thousand dollars with me for beverage purposes, so I should be set on that front. It’s going to be an epic feast, and I only wish that Teddy Bear, Fat Bastard, and Proud FA could be with me for this event. Also Rotunda Hindenburg, and some of the other female contributors to the Bigger Fatter Blog.

Fat Bastard: Belly Boy, I have Rotunda on the other line and she is slobbering drool all over the phone just thinking about it. Proud FA wants you to set a new record. Teddy maybe on sabbatical or he is off fighting the good fight. He maybe a Teddy Bear but he has some sharp teeth and claws.

If I’m lucky, maybe one of the waitresses/nurses will invite me back to her place for a little intensive care, if you know what I mean! (But I’m not counting on it. In which case, don’t worry because I have planned for this by looking up some strip clubs to take BLA to as my payback for him taking me on this exciting trip.)

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Belly Boy’s beautiful bony bimbos!

Fat Bastard: Belly Boy, I think you will get lucky. There is no doubt in my mind that the nurse/waitresses there are fat admirers… ALL of them. One whiff of your fat boy musk and all I can say is make room for them on your rented power chair and get really to have you folds lifted by two of them while the other one gives you a Boom Shakka Lakka.

BELLY BOY, OUT

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A bigger fatter airplane
Fellow fatlings and other loyal readers: When I, Fat Bastard saw the need for a bigger and fatter blog I created Bigger Fatter Blog. This report by Belly Boy who is normally our cyber net reporter illustrates the need for bigger fatter airplanes.

UPDATE! 
BELLY BOY  Reporting from the Heart Attack Grill.

Hey everybody, Belly Boy here!
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Belly Boy’s News Van aka The Belly Van
I went to the Heart Attack Grill with my best friend the Reverend Lard Ass. Yeah, I had to be wheeled in because I cannot really walk so well. BLA rented a handicap van where my wheelchair goes, and it has an awesome hydraulic lift to lift up my wheelchair. BLA is really strong to be able to push me.

So what happened was, we go in, and I shout “Hey it’s me!” and then I go in for my weighing. I top out the scale immediately, and sit back down in my wheelchair, and then I order up a Quadruple Bypass Burger along with some Flatliner Fries, a margarita, and six shots of tequila.

I down the tequila first, rapid fire style, and then I nurse the margarita until the burger and fries arrive. It’s about time.

What followed is a feeding frenzy, with greasy goodness all over my face and beard. I got the Quad with cheese and fried eggs, of course, and added some condiments as well. I have to say that it’s even better than a Belly Boy Burger, aside from the fact that it is a lot smaller. I like the high fat content, it has plenty of juice and grease, which are very important when you’re having a burger. Too little juice, and it’s not messy enough to be fun. Too little grease, and it just doesn’t have that classic burger flavor.

I eat the Quad in just 3 minutes, and immediately go back to get weighed. While they’re cooking up the next one, I’m finishing up my Flatliner Fries and am ordering up my first soda and another margarita.

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One of Belly Boys famous quadruple flushers
Editorial comment from me, Fat Bastard: Most people can’t finish the Quad.

I get another 6 shots of tequila, and down the next Quad in just 3 and a half minutes. Then I had the margarita and a couple of sodas, and order up another Quad, and have some more tequila, and now I am starting to get drunk.

Drunk eating is the most pleasurable activity possible. Forget illegal drugs, all you need is a good nicotine buzz, a good tequila buzz, and a belly full of greasy meat.

I get on to my fourth Quad, and by this point I am totally full. I order up one last Quad, after getting weighed yet again, and I head to the bathroom to get rid of some of the excess liquids. I pee for an eternity, then head to the toilet and produce an epic shit. Suddenly, I don’t feel quite so full anymore.

I polish off two more Quads and then I can barely move. People were asking for my autograph, taking pictures with me, and just generally being awesome towards me. I got a picture of two of the nurses sitting on my lap!! I had a boner but nobody could tell because it’s covered by my folds. That’s an advantage of being fat, you don’t have to be embarrassed by random boners.

I asked out two of the nurses to come to the hotel with me but both gave excuses why they couldn’t. They wheeled me back to the van, and I told them I would be back tomorrow. I fell asleep quickly, having shot myself up with lots of insulin, and my body struggled to process and digest all of the delicious calories I had just ingested. I love that feeling!
 

We didn’t have time to go to the strip club because I fell asleep and wasn’t in the mood for anything but being lazy and smoking some cigarettes, and then we had a quick dinner at Denny’s later that night. It was a rare two meal day for me, that’s how big my breakfast at the Heart Attack Grill was!
 

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Working prototype of Belly Boy’s Plane the Belly Liner

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I also think that when Belly Boy eats through 4 or 5 Quadruple Bypass Burgers and a few pounds of Flat Liner Fries, Dr John and the HAG will rethink his menu and super size the famed Quadruple  Bypass Burger aka the QBB and offer the BQBB or the Bariatic Quadruple Bypass that will be twice as big as the regular QBB. That’s what I predict. When the see Belly Boy the will be in awe!!

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Design for a bigger fatter airplane.