>FATTY at the FAT by Fat Bastard

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FATTY at the FAT

The outlook isn’t brilliant for Americans today;
Three quarters are fat or obese I am sad to say,
To doctors and weight loss gurus it’s a money making game
All they offer fat folks is more and more of the silly same

A waddling herd goes to McDonalds. The rest
Cling to that hope which springs eternal in a Kentucky Fried Chicken breast;
They thought, “If only miracle could get their metabolisms out of whack
They’d spend lots of money now, on an Atkins style quack.”

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But Atkins died a big fat pig, a charlatan and fake,
And Jenny Craig says it OK to eat a lot of cake;

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So upon that stricken multitude of lemmings oh so fat;
Comes Dr Phil without a pill but a major bastard rat.
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Though Dr Phil paid huge fines to the FTC, his books
Get published by Slimon and Shyster another bunch of crooks.
And when the lemmings read his books they continue to get fat,
I bet they need another book. Do you think it might be that?

400,000 Americans this year will see an early grave
Simply because when it comes to food they choose not to behave
They waddle to the doctor to get their insulin,
Fatty pays a fortune and big pharma cashes in.
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There is this sleaze in doctor’s manner because he knows his place;
Is to bilk the patient’s HMO and put a smile on his face.
Responding to the jeers, he says, “Your reaction is quite odd.
M. D. stands for Me Deity. In other words, I’m God.”
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Now on insulin and statin drugs Fatty enjoys all food.
But don’t be late with his dinner plate it may effect his mood.

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He knows now that he’s not too fat he’s happy to report,
He tells the world he can’t wipe his butt cause his arms are just to short.

Walking to the parking lot he’ll wheeze and gasp for air,
Knowing that the paramedics can quickly be right there.
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Close by a Gold’s Gym beckons to the healthy and the fit
“That ain’t my style,” said Fatty, “I’d rather eat and sit.

From the realm of reality came a sane and sober voice,
That said that being fat and sick and gluttonous really was a choice.
We are not made fat by our genes or the stress that comes with life
And it’s OK to complain about your fat and lazy wife.

Perhaps this trend towards obesity could be a moral failing;
A symptom of a society that is weak and sick and ailing
Ask A fatty why he’s fat and he will tell a lie.
Ask him if he eats too much, it’s something he’ll deny.

“Fraud!” cried the maddened voice, and echo answered “Fraud!”
But one scornful look from a Fatty and the audience was awed.

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“How dare anyone imply it is my fault”, an angry Fatty roared!
“I eat because I’m hungry and I eat because I’m bored”.

A sneer has fled from Fatty’s lip, the teeth are clenched in hate;
He pounds with cruel violence his fork upon the dinner plate.
And now the waiter holds the tray and now he lets it go,
And now the air is shattered by the force of Fatty’s mighty blow.

Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright,
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and little children shout;
But there is no joy in Fatland — Mighty Fatty’s heart crapped out.
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