- Start with tasty fattening like sweet tea or other foods that have calories for your body.
- Examine your current eating habit and stop consuming those with negative effects on your weight gain plan.
- Find a book of calories and learn what type of food that will help you gain weight.
- Invest in food delivery service.
- Watch your consumption of foods that have a lot of fiber, eat refined sugar and fat, resist temptations to snack on vegetables, and whole grains. Increase fatty red meat. Eat with ferocity.
- Super-size your dinner plate, the more food that is served to you, the more you will eat. The same goes for liquid with the exception of water. Avoid water!
- Frequent napping daily for 30 to 45 minutes. Buy a pedometer and aim for under 100 steps a day.
- Find opportunities to conserve calories by taking the elevator and get others to run errands for you.
- Eat quickly and excitedly, if you eat too slowly your brain will eventually tell you that you are no longer hungry.
- Drink lots of heavy cream, at least 8 glasses a day.
- Nap and doze frequently.
- When doing your groceries, pick hig-fat foods, like milk, cheese, cream, butter , yogurt etc.
- Snack on fruits, candied apples and chocolate covered raisins.
- Eat more at home and have your meals delivered.
- Be mindful of your salad dressing, the type and how much and pour it on liberally.
- People tend to under-eat when they are depressed or stressed, so be mindful to indulge in comfort-food when you feel down.
- Place notes at strategic locations for eg on the fridge door that reminds you that you are trying to gain weight.
- Reward yourself after each weekly success. Indulge and pig-out
- Make a list of all the yummy foods that you crave and tend to binge on and eat as many of those foods as you can get your greedy paws on.
- Make a list of clothes that will look good on you once you gain weight.
The above are my tips. As a fat guy they are good tips but I Fat Bastard and a mere pup compared to the great Belly Boy. Here are his gaining tips. I have to defer to his expertise just as I Fat Bastard defer to “Dr” Gerald “Teddy” Bear’s expertise in fields like fat studies, fat soma types and bariatric nutrition.
Belly Boy’s Gaining Tips!
2) Always have some cigarettes after each meal in order to aid the digestive process. Green tea is for health nuts.
1) Have your butler give you a massage before you eat, to stimulate your appetite. 3) Take healthy dumps whenever the need arises, so that you have more room for food. 4) Butter is your buddy. 5) Lard is your lover. 6) Fried is your friend. 7) Looks can be deceiving, always read food labels to make sure you are using the highest quality ingredients when cooking. More calories and fat content means higher quality. The nutrition labels are meant for thinlings, so adjust the percentages accordingly. You should be eating at least 20,000 calories every day. 8) Don’t be afraid to waddle around in order to work up a bigger appetite. I know this sounds like it wouldn’t work but it does. You don’t want to become completely immobile because there are many disadvantages and it is not as fun as it sounds when you fantaSIZE about it as I used to. 9) Always snack in between meals, to keep your strength up and to whet your appetite for the next meal. 10) Never sleep for more than 3 hours at a time! Set your alarm to wake yourself up every 3 hours and keep some goodies next to your bed so that you can have something to eat at night. This little trick, I call it “Sleep Eating,” and it is an excellent way to pack on the pounds. On normal days you do 2 3-hour cycles, and on weekends you do 3 or 4 3-hour cycles.
- 11) Get a sedentary office job. Make sure to leave your jacket on your chair and half a sandwich on your desk so that people will think you just stepped out and will be right back. Then, you hit up the nearby McDonalds for awhile, and come back to the office and act VERY angry and complain about how busy you are, so it shows you are a hard worker and people won’t bother you with more work. Use this technique to eat your way to the top of the corporate food chain. 12) SAVE YOUR BOWEL MOVEMENTS. 13) Don’t fall into the “three meals a trap“, make sure you have at least 5 main meals everyday. Breakfast, Brunch, Lunch, Dinner, and Supper. You want to snack in between meals as I mentioned, including while you drive. Just because it’s illegal to drink and drive doesn’t mean you can’t EAT and drive! Use the law’s loopholes to your advantage! 14) Donuts are a fat person’s best friend. They are compact, have a hole for easy carrying, and pack some solid calories into a small place. The high sugar content gets your blood sugar up; and when you combine the sugar rush with some coffee, you will be up and humming along while all of your co-workers are still drowsy and cranky. 15) Be careful when you are feeding. It can be easy to get caught up in the moment and end up biting one of your fingers, which can be very painful and even require surgery. In extreme cases, a feeding glutton may even chew off and swallow his own finger without even realizing it. 16) Learn to play a very small instrument, such as a tiny guitar, or other child-sized instruments. This makes you look bigger, inspiring you to eat more. 17) Drive an SUV. Sure you waste a few hundred dollars a year on gas, but you make up for it with extra storage space, cup holders, cargo space, places to put things, empty space, and more room. It can be hard to climb the stair to get up, but you can have extra steps installed to make it easier to get up. It’s like SUViagra. 18) Invest in a good portable bidet, which is a must if you are on the road. This helps stimulate your appetite by being clean, although sometimes it can be fun to be dirty instead. The choice is all up to you. 19) NEVER brush your teeth! This wears them down, and as gluttons our teeth are already worn down from all that chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing, and chewing. The bristles just make them wear down even faster. Instead, apply toothpaste directly to your teeth and swish it around over your teeth, and use mouth wash as well. Mouthwash is also an excellent foot deodorizer, if you mix some with water and put it in a clean bedpan and stick your feet in.
BELLY BOY, GOUT