>Be fat! Drive fat!

 Safety first!

There are things that can keep you safe while driving while fat. Fasten that seat belt! Yeah yeah yeah I know that it can take a lot of effort but the cops target us fatlings because they know we are often too lazy to buckle up. Even though it is a lot of effort to reach around and grab that seat belt and shoulder harness, getting a ticket and paying a fine is even worse.

Seat belt extenders

If you are fat enough to require a seat belt extender chances are you are on disability. The cost could be covered by your disability insurance. Having a seat belt extender not only says you’re fat, it says you’re damn fat! Wear it proudly!

You’re big so drive big! Ride in style!


Nothing says fattitude more than a Cadillac Escalade. This greedy gas guzzling road hog demands respect and so do you. Let your ride be an extension of your fattitude. A big car will keep you safe!

Fat Driving Etiquette

Because your gas guzzler in an extension of your fattitude, think of it as your royal chariot. Drive like royalty! Use that handicap parking space. It’s your birth right. YOU ARE FAT!

It’s OK to double park. You probably won’t get a ticket and if you have a leanling with you simple drop them off a circle the block until the fetch what you need.

Let the Prius driving leanlings drive defensively. You are driving a tank. Let them think, “Drive defensively, watch out for the other guy” while you think, “Drive offensively, make the other guy watch out for you!”

Eat While Driving.


Today’s cars are fairly well equipped for eating in but there could be some improvement. I, Fat Bastard, frequent Sonic Drive Inns because you don’t have to lean to get your food at the take out window. Instead a sexy thinling on roller skates delivers your food right to our car. How cool is that.

Some fatlings like to remain parked when they pig out not me. I like to cruise and chow down. Proud FA has installed a food claw in my Yukon. The claw is on a swing arm and it sits in front of me and I am able to eat many foods hands free. Proud has applied for a patent.

During the cooler months keep a stash of goodies in your car. I like peanuts and chips. They keep well.

Don’t let mobility issues keep you from being a road warrior!


There is a good chance that you can talk your fat friendly doctor into getting you one of these bad boys. Think of the van as the mother ship and think of your scooter as a star fighter and think of yourself as a Jedi warrior while in the scooter and Jabba the Hut when in the van.

Hot hefty hunny heading for her road hog!