The big ole fat swag bellied fat folks of the South know how to live. Let’s forget all the bad things like slavery, the KKK, lynchings, bigotry, Bible thumping, inbreeding and segregation and concentrate on the good things like obesity, gluttony and food.

If the symbol for rest of America is the bald eagle the symbol for the South should be the pig. OINK! OINK! OINK!

If you want to see super morbid obesity unbridled food lust and hyper gluttony gas up your van and head South of the Mason – Dixon line. As soon as you get into the Red States you will begin to see less of the econo boxes that the blue neck thinlings in the North drive and more gluttonous SUVs and pick-up trucks.


Want to go for a stroll? Forget it! Side walks a few and far between. No self respecting Southerners walk, at least not the White ones. Bubba rides and when he rides he rides in style.

Take pride sons and daughters of the South, your pulled pork, cracklins, hush puppies, fat back, banana pudding and sweet tea along with your sloth has made you rebels the fattest fatlings on the planet! Now that’s something to be proud of.

“But Fat Bastard,” you ask, “Aren’t most Southerners a bunch of fundamentalists and evangelicals who are against things like pride, sloth and gluttony?” That is a common misconception. Pride, gluttony and sloth are three of what the Catholics call the seven deadly sins. The seven deadly sins are an invention of one of the Popes. They don’t apply to Southern Baptists, Pentacostals and other fundagelicals.

Portly preacher prayed and power ate himself to heaven.

Next to Jesus, fatlings Southerners love/loved meat faced minister, the late Reverend Jerry Falwell. To Southerners being fat and lazy is a sign of the abundance given to them by Jesus. You may not agree with that but as a greedy gluttonous and slothful fatling you have to admire it.

EAT EAT EAT sons and daughters of the South. It’s your heritage! Sloth is GOOD too!